For many women, the desire for approval begins early. From classrooms to workplaces, approval often feels like the ticket to belonging, safety, and success. Yet, chasing approval can also become a silent trap that keeps us from living authentically and pursuing true fulfillment. I’ve learned that when we choose fulfillment over approval, we unlock the freedom to define our own path and embrace our own power.
The Approval Trap
Approval is tempting because it gives instant gratification. A nod of validation, a compliment, or a promotion feels good in the moment. But when external approval becomes the measure of our worth, it creates dependence. We adapt, perform, and compromise, sometimes at the cost of our dreams and values.
Research published in the Journal of Health Psychology found that women who constantly seek social approval report lower levels of self-esteem and higher levels of stress. In contrast, those who prioritize self-defined goals experience greater long-term satisfaction and emotional well-being.
This resonates deeply with me. For years, I lived with the weight of others’ expectations. It wasn’t until I shifted toward fulfillment that I felt the joy of standing firmly in who I am.
Why Fulfillment Should Come First
1. Fulfillment Fuels Authenticity
When we live by our values, not others’ approval, we lead authentically. Fulfillment is rooted in purpose and meaning, not in external applause.
2. Approval Is Fleeting; Fulfillment Is Lasting
The glow of approval fades quickly, leaving us hungry for the next dose. Fulfillment, however, sustains us because it aligns with what truly matters.
3. Fulfillment Builds Confidence
The more we make decisions based on our values, the more confident we become. We learn to trust ourselves instead of depending on validation.
4. Fulfillment Inspires Others
When women choose fulfillment, they become role models for others. Authenticity encourages others to break free from the approval cycle and embrace their true selves.
5. Fulfillment Brings Peace
There’s a calm that comes from no longer chasing approval. That calm is where creativity, leadership, and personal growth flourish.
Steps Toward Choosing Fulfillment
- Define your values: Know what matters most to you, not what others expect.
- Set boundaries: Learn to say no without guilt. Boundaries protect your energy and your priorities.
- Celebrate progress, not perfection: Approval seeks perfection; fulfillment celebrates growth.
- Surround yourself with supporters: Build a community of people who value you for who you are, not what you do for them.
- Practice reflection: Ask yourself daily, Am I living for approval or fulfillment?
Conclusion: My Own Journey
I know the struggle of seeking approval all too well. Yet, I also know the deep freedom of choosing fulfillment. Every time I honor my values over external validation, I step more fully into my purpose as a leader, a coach, and a woman.
I, Millicent Clarke, HR Executive, Leadership Coach, and author of Millie: My Gift of Bangles [audiobook link], invite every woman reading this to choose fulfillment over approval. It is not always the easiest path, but it is always the truest. And in that truth lies strength, peace, and joy.
